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[JOKE] THE URINALYSIS...........

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  • [JOKE] THE URINALYSIS...........

    One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him "My elbow hurts terribly. I guess I better see a doctor."

    "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,"Mike replies.
    "There's a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a heck of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

    So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into a funnel and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

    You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

    That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

    Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

    The computer prints the following:
    1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
    2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
    3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her in to rehab.
    4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    5. Your Volvo needs repair.
    6. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
    CTG

    Rhymin & Stealin

  • #2
    :?

    or try Avant Browser http://www.avantbrowser.com/
    (it has built in popup stopper, Built-in Google Search Engine, Integrated Cleaner, ...) and it is freeware

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    • #3
      Originally posted by koraX
      :?

      or try Avant Browser http://www.avantbrowser.com/
      (it has built in popup stopper, Built-in Google Search Engine, Integrated Cleaner, ...) and it is freeware
      Ooookay, then. Pretty funny joke though. See, everything would be much better if computers ruled the world.

      Comment


      • #4
        I'm kinda confused about where the connection between my joke and koraX's post,...
        CTG

        Rhymin & Stealin

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        • #5
          :?
          "I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory,
          even stopper death - if you aren't as big a bunch
          of dunderheads as I usually have to teach." -- Professor Severus Snape.

          Comment


          • #6
            holy shit Great joke ^_^
            *Leader of the 56k rebellion*
            *Slowing down cable and DSL users, everywhere*

            LikitaRenn:"I wanna be added to as many people's sigs as will add me to... their.. sigs.. um.. something..."

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            • #7
              [lol="infinite"]HAHAHAHAHAHA[/lol]
              Genius is a blink before a moment of insanity.
              "Dream is Destiny"
              Waking Life

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              • #8
                :grin:

                Comment


                • #9
                  [code:1:0c91c50957]
                  for(;;) {
                  LOL();
                  }
                  [/code:1:0c91c50957]

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Yenzarill
                    [code:1:428d625674]
                    for(;;) {
                    LOL();
                    }
                    [/code:1:428d625674]
                    LOL that a good joke too, but better add a return; somewhere in there or you'll get cramps...hehe

                    Here another joke (is this the right place for urine joke...ummm hope i don't get ban :wink: ) :

                    Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go
                    to the bathroom. He yelled out:
                    - Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!
                    - Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The
                    correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in
                    a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go, replied the teacher.

                    Little Johnny, thinks for a bit, then says:
                    - You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!!!
                    [KYO] - Knock You Out

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                    • #11
                      "Cindy, make a sentence using the word 'fascinate'."
                      "My blouse has nine buttons, but I can only fasten eight."

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                      • #12
                        Questionable - what they do when they interrogate a cow's husband.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by LaughingRat
                          Questionable - what they do when they interrogate a cow's husband.
                          Or try the Mother of All Puns:

                          What do you call a midget fortune teller recently escaped from prison?

                          A small medium at large.

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                          • #14
                            LOL, nice follow up Salsa...it's kinda funny the jokes where all kinda related in some way... :lol:
                            [KYO] - Knock You Out

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