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  • Fun Story.

    I have a job as a lifeguard at my local, neighborhood pool. It's my first year doing so, and after living in this neighborhood for 3 years, one would think I know everyone.

    Boy, was I wrong. Everybody in Houston and his brother lives here apparently, and I've sometimes been working double shifts for this summer (quite rare for first year lifeguards).

    I met one of the less than savory groups today...

    My fellow lifeguard (who, for the record, is HOT! ) was being harassed by this group of 4 asses... erm... boys, each roughly 14-15 years of age. Apparently, this harassment of female lifeguards at this pool had been going on for 3 years from these guys, only this time, instead of being just annoying, they were being a bunch of flirts as well.

    I had little patience for this behavior.

    I made sure they knew that I desperately wanted to evict them from the pool. At first, I was simply enforcing the other lifeguard's (hereafter called Tina) punishments on them. You know, "sit out for 15 minutes" or whatnot. Then they started giving me a bunch of grief, using vulgar language and name-calling to get my attention. In short, my now infinitesimally thin patience was being worn to its limit.

    In retrospect, I should have just gone to the phone, dialed 911 and said "Hello. Yes, this is a lifeguard from the local pool. We have 4 hoodlums whom are tresspassing and refuse to leave. One is a white caucasian wearing a blue swimsuit and light green teeshirt and is now heading eastbound on Main street..." :twisted:

    Before they could break the ice and feel the wrath of SNAFU, Tina told me it was OK; she was used to this harassment by now, and that these idiots happened to be the younger brothers of her best friends.

    In other words, she would not allow them to be kicked out. Damn.

    We close the pool, and I'm mad as hell. I wanted to kick these little assholes out and forever ban them from the pool that I could taste the paperwork. When they left at closing time, they threw a "So long... Dick!" over their collective shoulders, where the anus and the chest meet. :x

    I'm walking home when my Thievery sense starts to prick up. I always have this feeling in Thievery when I suspect I'm walking straight into an ambush as a thief. Or if there is a guard watching me. It doesn't always work obviously, but I sometimes just get that guy feeling...

    Lo and behold, I take a cursory glance as I cross the street, under the guise of looking left and right, when I should see four familiar figures stalking me...

    I start thinking of a graceful solution to this problem... :twisted:

    I take the normal way home; I live too close to the pool to make a new turn, and by the time I notice them, I'm already on my street. If I continue pass my house and thus, my street, then it will be apparent I'm walking in circles, and they'll either figure I know they are stalking me and run off, or just get bored. I want a little revenge for the trouble they've caused so I WANT them to stalk me... for now.

    I turn a corner, right where my house is, and hide in the bushes. Actually, that's not totally true. I TRY to hide in the bushes, but it makes a lot of noise trying to get in, so I end up just crouching there in the darkness, waiting for my pursuers to come.

    I should mention at this point that I am carrying a black athletic bag with my equipment and some old school books I never bothered to take out, and that I positioned myself at the side of my house. Going pass my hiding spot leads to the backyard door, our driveway, and the most cunning instrument of my plan - our security camara...

    Amusingly, despite my poor hiding spot, they pass me without so much as a glance in my direction. I wait, perfectly still, for them to pass behind the fence. My dog begins to bark at them; she's not really friendly to strangers, but I'd swear she knew what I was up to, based on the excitement she showed later.

    I creep from behind. All four of them are now, unknowingly, in front of my house's security camara, and are now scratching their heads, wondering where I went (one of them is even so bold as to say aloud "Where did he go?".) I seriously consider black-jacking one or all of them with my black bag, but decide that's a little too extreme. So I throw my bag AT them...

    The sound of the books in it hitting the pavement sounds like a shotgun blast (or so they told me) and a variety of things happens. I yell "You stupid shits!" as loudly as I could. One of them jumps about 8 feet in the air and turns scared shitless by the sound. The other 3 take off running! :lol: One of them actually ran 2 blocks before he realized nobody was chasing him! They all eventually come back, and I am literally rolling on the floor, laughing! :grin:

    They come back and start talking with me. "We just wanted to see who lives down here!" they say. Yeah, right... It's just coincidence you followed me down 3 different streets and were constantly following my every step, I think to myself. :roll: So I decide to play a bit more with these guys...

    "Man, you guys are the WORST stalkers ever! I can't believe you fell for that trick! Did you REALLY think I would take the REAL route home?"

    They start to blush uncontrollably, a sure sign of guilt. I pretend I don't notice.

    "Here," I say, pointing all the way towards the edge of the neighborhood, and, more importantly, the most distant part of the area from my house. "I live down that way."

    We talk about all sorts of bull. I act like I'm all buddy, buddy with them, now "Tina isn't here". We make all sorts of jokes about all the pranks they'll play on her, while I mentally take notes. I get them all worked up about it. "Hey guys, I'd like to know which prank WE should do first." They start debating, each one like "Hey! That's a cool idea!". I start to fallback a bit, then start walking in place, then walk slowly backwards. Again, they display poor judgement by not keeping their eyes on me.

    I simply walk around the corner, then start to run. I sneak around the block once or twice to make sure they hadn't noticed my disappearance, then make good my escape to home.

    My mother is waiting at the door. "How was your day, son? Do anything interesting?"

    "Not really..." :swordthi:
    TCO – Retired
    Former TCO Head of Intelligence – Retired

  • #2
    Oh my god, you stole SCHOOLBOOKS?!?

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    • #3
      Originally posted by LaughingRat
      Oh my god, you stole SCHOOLBOOKS?!?
      OMG! AND I PWNED THEM TOO!!1
      TCO – Retired
      Former TCO Head of Intelligence – Retired

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      • #4
        I'm just having trouble wrapping my head around the idea of someone stealing SCHOOLBOOKS.

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        • #5
          I wanted to learn how to read... but didn't have the money... :cry:

          FORGIVE ME DR. PHIL!!111111 :cry: :cry: :cry:

          Now... do we have anything else off-topic to discuss, or will we say related to my story...?
          TCO – Retired
          Former TCO Head of Intelligence – Retired

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          • #6
            Ahh yes lifeguarding. I also work at a neighborhood pool, though im in a small town so I have an idea who the kids are. I believe the term for people like that is "pool rats". This is my third year guarding and I still am amazed at how much some kids love to annoy me. Though they never try and follow me home, good idea because I would probably run them over with my car...

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            • #7
              Originally posted by HammeriteGuard
              This is my third year guarding and I still am amazed at how much some kids love to annoy me. Though they never try and follow me home, good idea because I would probably run them over with my car...
              You need some anger management classes...

              Seriously thou, I was VERY annoyed. Luckily stalking wasn't their stong suit. Mine is apparently... :twisted:
              TCO – Retired
              Former TCO Head of Intelligence – Retired

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              • #8
                Yea the only person that we saw stalked was some of the kids that were flipping off some guys. These guys then chased the kids around with their truck later. Some of the kids we have are FEARLESS.

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                • #9
                  you live in houston?

                  When i move back down there at the end of the month, i'm going to have to crush your skull in with a dictionary.
                  I'm not so bad... Once you get to know me.

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                  • #10
                    *lmao*
                    (AKA Dresden)
                    Despite all my rage, I am still just a dwarf in a cage.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Thwark
                      you live in houston?

                      When i move back down there at the end of the month, i'm going to have to crush your skull in with a dictionary.
                      What a waste of a dictionary...

                      That besides, you'll have to catch me first... :twisted:
                      TCO – Retired
                      Former TCO Head of Intelligence – Retired

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                      • #12
                        true. what area do you live in. because a well placed bomb could save me lots of time....
                        I'm not so bad... Once you get to know me.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by SNAFU
                          I creep from behind. All four of them are now, unknowingly, in front of my house's security camara, and are now scratching their heads, wondering where I went ... So I throw my bag AT them...

                          One of them jumps about 8 feet in the air and turns scared shitless by the sound. The other 3 take off running!
                          Uh, stupid question ...

                          Why mention the security camera if you're not providing humorous footage? :?

                          Funny story, though!
                          No Linux, No Choice.
                          Know Linux, Know Choice.

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                          • #14
                            Nice, SNAFU, nice... :wink:
                            Do you like my new attitude? It's called positive thinking!
                            I had so much bottled rage, I'd snap if you looked at me the wrong way! But now I changed my mind!

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                            • #15
                              One word: ROFL!
                              Feel the power of the

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