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How to become a normal teenager - made easy.

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  • How to become a normal teenager - made easy.

    Some argue that it takes a great deal of effort in order to fit into the environment that is a high school; that claim is one of the most disgusting lies that were ever conceived. After all, what is so difficult about following these simple guidelines?

    The first, and probably the most important step in the process of acclimatizing yourself to a high school setting is your appearance. A good place to apply your efforts would be your face; contrary to popular belief, the primary function of your head is the support of your body piercings. Good locations for said piercings are your eyebrows, as well as your cheeks. Recently, nose rings have made another comeback in the realm of popular accessories.

    Once your face becomes a suspender of an appropriate number of rings, wires, and spikes (8 is a good number to strive for), it is a perfect time for conducting work on your hair. These days, natural hair is about twenty years out of fashion, with the latest rage being purple dye on the left side of your head, and green on the right side. The more adventurous among us could also sprinkle a few pink stripes here and there.

    As we proceed into the delicate issue of combing style, some reactionaries might lead you to restrict yourself to a Mohawk style. It is obvious that those views are only shared by un-cool people, and there is no reason to listen to them. I personally suggest that you create your own style, even if it looks frightfully similar to the styles everyone else uses.

    Now that you have completed the crash course in the comprehension of recommended grooming techniques, it is time to move to the exciting topic of clothing. Since uniforms are no longer mandatory, greater freedom for self-expression is available. Make sure to determine the brand names worn by the cooler people in your school – you have to be careful in sponsoring the corporation that is in the spotlight for the day. If, in the unlikely event that your school has not reached an agreement in the delicate matter of corporate sponsorship, your attire should consist of the following: a “Satan Lives” trench coat, an “Evil” sweatshirt, as well as the required pair of baggy jeans. Spiked bracelets are another excellent addition to your daily wardrobe.

    Now that your attire is in perfect accordance with the unofficial school dress code, nothing more then a few minor adjustments remain. The very fiber of your uniqueness has to be preserved within those adjustments, as they will set yourself apart from the rest of the unwashed masses. One of the most effective, and radical embodiments of your creativity would no doubt be a tattoo, a clear necessity in today’s culture. You will simply not fit into any group without one. The only imaginable setback would be the envy of your fellow classmates, obviously jealous of your display of strength. Treat that envy as a disease. No matter how trivial it is to cure the symptoms, you have to attack it before it sets in.

    Your tattoo must have a grand tale attached to it. The tale must be grand-enough to be news-worthy, for none would be able to deny something printed in a paper. The tale must also be daring enough, as well as dangerous enough to be a story worthy to remember in thirty years time.

    Due to the multitude of aspiring heroes turning to robberies, or juvenile offenses, those stunts are beginning to grow stale, and may cause an unwanted mark on your permanent record. For an alternative, but truly radical display of your superiority, as well as will-power, you can perform the simple, yet daring action of a movie-like leap from a vehicle, traveling at the city speed limit; something that is truly worthy of recognition.

    Hopefully, you will have enough skin left, on which you can get your tattoo.


    -Inspired by a Darwin Awards story.

  • #2
    Congradulations, you are now a goth.

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    • #3
      Ya, I always wished I could be a freak.
      The only constant is change.
      (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

      Comment


      • #4
        Wait........I thought you were?

        Comment


        • #5
          I stopped after the first paragraph. It was too stupid.
          JM

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          • #6
            damn it :snapsfingers: i'm not a normal teen after all. i did find out though that i am not a metrosexual. I'm straight as an arrow.
            I have sex with my hand!

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            • #7
              Makes no sense to me....
              -TuF- Emptying clan servers of their own clan members since 2010
              - Agg moderator campaign supporter 2011
              - #2 of 3 LANers of the Apocalypse!
              -YT

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Lurox
                I stopped after the first paragraph. It was too stupid.
                I stopped after the first sentence, and got the idea through a couple seconds of skimming, and AO's post.

                It's not a skill, it's an art.

                Originally posted by BrokenArts
                Wait........I thought you were?
                Well, I'm not THAT kind of a freak.

                The only constant is change.
                (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Lock...

                  Jeez, what is it with you Swis mercenary? Can't post "normal" things? :|

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Out of curiousity- inspired by which Darwin award?
                    Give some taffer fire, and you'll keep him warm for the night with one less reason to cause trouble for the master.
                    Set a taffer on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life, and have no need to bother the master.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by طmega
                      Lock...

                      Jeez, what is it with you Swis mercenary? Can't post "normal" things? :|
                      Jeez, what is it with you Omega? Can't you let other people enjoy a little silliness? If YOU don't want to read it, then don't, but leave it alone for those of us who are getting some enjoyment out of it.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        LR... Said that someone enjoys it...

                        Now, Omega, tell me, what kind of serious things should we post about? Hardly anyone plays thievery whenever I bother checking, and the last few serious discussions that I participated in (Mostly involving politics, and religion) degenerate into:

                        A: Stalemates

                        B: Bitching wars

                        I would like you to give some suggestions about what we should post about. Yes, I am asking you for suggestions.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I would like to add, this is General Discussion, discuss whatever we will within reason of course. There will be some spam, there is no doubt about that. I am not gonna lock every god damn thread that has some form of spam. That would be asinine. It can't be stopped. We don't like it, don't post.

                          Let the discussions continue.

                          Normal teenager? You'd make a million dollars, go patent right now, GO GO!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I liked your post Swiss. In fact I read every word. Why? Because here I am at 9 pm sitting in a library with 40 high schoolers making sure they are respecting study conditions. I should be home snuggling up with my husband.

                            None of these students look like what you described because, at this school, they have to wear uniforms! All are clean cut with their natural hair color...or close to it. Body piercings and tattoos are not allowed to be on display here.

                            They are being very quiet tonight and it is not because they are diligently studying and doing their homework...well maybe two are. Instead, every single one of these students have their laptops in front of their face...and they think I don't know that they are IM their friends rather than researching the net for a paper or reviewing for the test I am giving some of them Thursday???? Hey, if I were their age, I'd be doing the same thing.

                            What’s that I hear? Someone is whispering. Ah it’s that same lad. *sigh* OK gotta go give another gentle reminder to this youngster about maintaining study conditions. What I really want to do is thrash him over the head with my new black jack. Then he'd be quiet.
                            formerly littlek

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                            • #15
                              All I need is a tattoo oh to br normal........ is 9 peircings ok ..... i want more but cant afford.....
                              I apear to be badly wounded........

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