Tweet
Share some jokes.
There's a mexican an irishman and a redneck on some scaffolding eating thieir lunch so the mexican opens his "tacos if i get tacos one more time i
swear ill jump" the Irish man "Corned beef if i get corned beef one more time ill jump" the redneck "ham if i get a ham sandwich one more time ill jump" so the next day they all get the same lunch and all jump to thier deaths. at the fuineral the wives are all crying then they start saying how they could of made them a different lunch and when it comes to the rednecks wife she says, "Dont look at me that dumbass makes his own lunch!"
--------------------
A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a
long gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, and entered the house. Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him durng the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1...Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."
He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2...Rock tied to left testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he, jumped out of the window after the boulder.
As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3... Right testicle tied to bed post."
--------------------
Two muffins were baking in an oven. One turned to the other and said, "hot enough for ya?". The second one replied, "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN"
--------------------
Alright, so a smoking fish walks into an autoshop. The mechanic says, "Can I help you?" The fish says, "I'm a walking, smoking fish, what do you
think?"
--------------------
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self- conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.
"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.
"Yes. You have no ears."
He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.
"Yes. You have no ears."
He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.
"Yes. You're wearing contacts."
Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"
"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."
--------------------
A music student forgot about his final assignment of making a composition. He then remembered that his friend took a previous piece, and completely
reversed it.
Thinking this would be a good idea, he searched through his notes and found a piece that his teacher had handed in for a similar assignment. Working as fast as possible, he reversed all the notes and handed it in.
The next week, when everyone recieved their compositions back, in big red ink, there was a comment from the teacher: "Why did you hand in Beethoveen's 2nd in D minor?"
There's a mexican an irishman and a redneck on some scaffolding eating thieir lunch so the mexican opens his "tacos if i get tacos one more time i
swear ill jump" the Irish man "Corned beef if i get corned beef one more time ill jump" the redneck "ham if i get a ham sandwich one more time ill jump" so the next day they all get the same lunch and all jump to thier deaths. at the fuineral the wives are all crying then they start saying how they could of made them a different lunch and when it comes to the rednecks wife she says, "Dont look at me that dumbass makes his own lunch!"
--------------------
A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a
long gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, and entered the house. Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him durng the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1...Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."
He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2...Rock tied to left testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he, jumped out of the window after the boulder.
As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3... Right testicle tied to bed post."
--------------------
Two muffins were baking in an oven. One turned to the other and said, "hot enough for ya?". The second one replied, "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN"
--------------------
Alright, so a smoking fish walks into an autoshop. The mechanic says, "Can I help you?" The fish says, "I'm a walking, smoking fish, what do you
think?"
--------------------
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self- conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.
"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.
"Yes. You have no ears."
He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.
"Yes. You have no ears."
He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.
"Yes. You're wearing contacts."
Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"
"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."
--------------------
A music student forgot about his final assignment of making a composition. He then remembered that his friend took a previous piece, and completely
reversed it.
Thinking this would be a good idea, he searched through his notes and found a piece that his teacher had handed in for a similar assignment. Working as fast as possible, he reversed all the notes and handed it in.
The next week, when everyone recieved their compositions back, in big red ink, there was a comment from the teacher: "Why did you hand in Beethoveen's 2nd in D minor?"
Comment