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  • Grade this.

    Education

    Canada’s a nice place to live, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy my life, and am grateful for it. But while I believe education is important, I don’t think we, starting at the age of five, should be forced to spend thirteen years of our lives being told what, and how to think. We’re thrown into this autocratic institution, unable to leave our seats without permission, unable to call home except in emergencies, and unable to question the government’s plan for what we should think. Although it’s not consistent throughout all the schools, children are only given a couple short recesses in which they can get fresh air and exercise. That limited break time is getting shorter and shorter, and often gets completely cut off sometime around middle school. We’re taught about democracy, and how it works, but we’re not allowed to participate in it. Then once age 18 rolls around, we’re released into the “real world”, given our democratic rights, and expected to go out and get some further education, or just skip right ahead to a career. There we’re expected to be free thinking, self-motivated, and assertive individuals, despite the fact we’ve been taught almost completely otherwise.

    Our school system, while better than a lot of others in less-fortunate countries, is still in need of some major changes. One of the biggest problems, in my opinion, is the method of grading. There are seven different learning types, and most of these tend to get ignored. Those that have the “preferred” learning types excel, while others tend to fall behind. To top it all off, much of a student’s marks come from standardized tests, designed to cater to those who excel at structured, pressured, recall of isolated facts. Some students could write tests all day if they wanted too, but others sit down to a test and draw a blank. It’s usually not because they don’t know it, but rather they need to express it in a different way. Another huge fault is the fact that students are graded based on their teacher’s opinions. It’s incredibly obvious how some teachers work, based on the variety of grades I’ve gotten from different teachers. Subjects such as art are the worst for this, since the grading is almost completely opinionated. I’ve had teachers that liked me, and gave me +90%, and then I’ve teachers who despised me, and gave me 60%’s.

    Schools today are based on work ethic of the 1800’s which valued passive obedience to an authority. We’re supposed to blindly follow what the government thinks we should do, while teaching us to be leaders. Students that don’t follow these ethics are often labeled as “behaviorally disordered”, “special needs”, or “learning disabled”. Schooling was actually started in the 1800’s by a group of influential ideologists who wanted to make like-minded people in order to serve the government, army, and the mines. Legislation for forced mass-schooling system was passed in Massachusetts of the United States in 1852, with all the other states and Canada following suit in the next 50 years. Today’s system has advanced somewhat from the “free thinkers are dangerous” ideals; with the encouragement of reading and such (back then they thought “independent study”, such as reading, promoted free thinking and therefore anarchy), but it’s still an outdated institution based on
    the government being the true parent. I’m not saying I want a perfect world, but I think our education system could definitely use a tune up.


    Well, this is my first piece of writing I handed in to my grade 10 english class, and although I know it's no masterpiece (only out of 20, I did it in about an hour), I'd like to have your opinion on what grade you'd give it, if you were my grade 10 english teacher. I'm curious to see if it sucks, or if my teacher's just an ignorant facist biatch that doesn't like me writing about how education sucks. I'll post what I actually got on it after I get a few answers.
    The only constant is change.
    (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

  • #2
    No offense CD, but I think your teacher is right if you didn't get an A. This isn't a very good paper, in my opinion. I can't really describe the actual problems with the style much better than telling you that it isn't written very well. It's evident that you wrote it in an hour, it seems rushed, thrown together, like you didn't read it out loud to see how it sounds (I never do that either, but it might help you).

    Besides these things, it doesn't really seem up to par with 10th grade writing. You ARE in another country though, it could just be that my district's writing program has very different standards, and you're used to this sort of thing being accepted. I'd stay away from continuously referencing yourself, and it's full of cliches and contractions. It just doesn't sound professional, like a paper should.

    Of course, you don't have to listen to me. Or your teacher. It's not an awful paper, don't get me wrong, but there's certainly a lot of room for improvement.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by CrouchingDork
      Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you.
      F for grammar.
      F for documentation.

      That's not even considering the possible charge of plagiarism.

      Comment


      • #4
        IMO your thesis could use a slight readjustment. Like putting "Don't get me wrong" as the starting of your sentence, followed by what was before it. I don't think you can start setences with the word "but".

        Overall I think the three paragraphs should be made into more paragraphs. Once you start a new idea like "Then once age 18 rolls around" you should start a new paragraph.

        Restate your main ideas in each paragraph briefly in a neat conclusion.

        I as college student, consider that your rough draft. It just needs to go through revisions to become the final draft.

        My overall grade would be a 6 maybe 7.(C grade).

        If it's not due till a few days wait till tommorow, clear you mind and re-read it.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by LaughingRat
          Originally posted by CrouchingDork
          Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you.
          F for grammar.
          F for documentation.

          That's not even considering the possible charge of plagiarism.
          I didn't want to be mean...but, well...yes. Rewrite it two more times and let us see it, CD.

          Comment


          • #6
            Like I said, I threw it together in an hour. It's not supposed to be an essay either.

            I got 11/20.
            The only constant is change.
            (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

            Comment


            • #7
              The sig is straight from the lyric. It's not meant to be perfect LR. Dragon... re-read what exactly he quoted.
              The only constant is change.
              (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

              Comment


              • #8
                Ah. I thought I had just missed that obvious mistake in your essay.

                But my point stands. Your grammar is very bad, at least by the standards I was brought up to follow.

                The lesson here? Don't throw your papers together in an hour, silly goose!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by The Dragon
                  The lesson here? Don't throw your papers together in an hour, silly goose!
                  It's the first piece of writing, worth barely anything. We weren't supposed to spend a week on it.
                  The only constant is change.
                  (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I didn't say you were...

                    Very different writing programs we have, I guess.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Where do you live again?
                      The only constant is change.
                      (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hah, don't complain now CD, but your schooling will seem a lot worse when you're paying for it directly...
                        It's not my fault everything you like is terrible.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          wow cd is in 10th grade i thought he was older.
                          I have sex with my hand!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            In my experience, formal essays written in first person is generally a no-no (there are exceptions though). By writing in first person, you expose yourself to the sloppy grammer found in everyday speech. Also, your piece lacks clear introductory and conclusive paragraphs. Yes, this may seems horribly formulaic, but if it is a formal essay is formal because of its structure. So I think I would agree with your teacher. It is certainly clear and well written enough to deserve a pass, while lacking the structure to premote it to B or an A.
                            Immortius' Forge

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              It's not an essay! It's just writing. We weren't supposed to do essays.
                              The only constant is change.
                              (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)

                              Comment

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