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Gerbil bedtime story

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  • Gerbil bedtime story

    It was a dark and stormy night.....J/k

    This started a while ago when commenting to Darkproject
    about the mansion he built(paying sins) and the nuumber of
    dining areas it had. I made a thief run stealing all the silver plates
    ,cups etc but noticed that it didn't make any noise while
    walking. On a hunch I decided to thieve nostalgia steal a few
    silver plates,gold goblets etc and take them to my pawn broker
    to examine.
    Pawn brokers name is black bart.
    Ghostly: bart i want you to examine these plates.
    Bart: Hey I was wanting to talk to you, those last items you
    brought me wern't silver or gold at all.
    Ghostly: they weren't?
    Bart: no. I don't know what they're made of but its not metal.
    Ghostly: hmm lemme see them.....i look and sure enough its
    plastic. omg how? why?
    Bart: on the bottom somethings printed on them .....Dixie
    so I pulled out my laptop....hey its my story....and checked
    the dixie plastics website and sure enough there it was.
    dixie product development: Mad Gerbil
    Things were starting to fall into place now. Mad gerbil
    outsmarted us all. He ingratiated himself with the nobles
    so he could switch them with plastic replicas and keep the
    profit for himself.
    Bart: Mad gerbil? yeah he's one of my best customers.
    Ghostly: it figures.
    This explains alot i thought. silverware which didn't
    clank when u walk like a car with snow chains and a flat tire.
    I also thought no wonder Gerbil is upset when he gets KO'd
    its not that he's upset that he can't stop you from thieving
    since he already stole everything. Its that he's probably on
    his way to black barts or the bank to deposit his ill gotten gain.
    I have an idea, i say to black bart.
    Bart: whats that?
    Ghostly: 2 can play this game. Do you have any Plastic
    swords the kids play with?
    Bart: yes
    Ghostly: and I'll take a can of that silver paint as well.........

  • #2
    Hmm, I always wondered why the silverware was always easier to

    Scouring through the TTLG forums today, I finally decided to see what 'Clan Foofie' was all about. OMG, its what the RLF has been protecting all along!

    Through the Looking Glass dedicated to Looking Glass Studios, Irrational Games and other high quality games such as Thief, System Shock, BioShock, Oblivion, Dark Messiah, Arx Fatalis and more!



    • #3
      The door bursts open.

      Ghostly: Gahh! Damnit SNAFU! You almost gave me a heartattack! What the hell are you doing in MY bedtime story, anyway?
      SNAFU: Actually, I'm here as one of the pivotal characters in this story who will reveal a vital plot twist which will not happen for several pages to come, and thus set in motion the action leading to the climax of this story. But for right now...

      He slams his blackjack on the counter.

      SNAFU: Why the hell is it PLASTIC? I swear, Bart, I'm going ring your neck if you cheat me again. Last time, it was a "scouting orb" that was just a rock, and I haven't forgotten the time you sold me the "upgraded bow"...
      Bart: Well, we were just talking about the plastic thing SNAF'...
      SNAFU: It better be good. Just last night, I beat a guard relentlessly with this thing, and he didn't even flinch! I finally gave up and beat him senseless with a frozen deer leg, and I heard he died from cancer this morning...
      Ghostly: SNAFU, would you shut up and listen to me and Bart?
      SNAFU: Well, be quick about it...
      Ghostly: Well you see, MG has switched out everything with plastic replicas, so he can sell the real ones, and make money. EVERYTHING... swords, loot, plates...
      SNAFU: What? That makes no sense...
      Bart: Look at your Blackjack and tell me what it says on it.
      Ghostly: Calm, friend SNAFU...
      Bart: How? Your sword is plastic...
      Ghostly: Settle down, SNAF'... we already have a... plan.
      SNAFU: And what is this... plan?

      I smiled.

      Ghostly: Come... let us sit at the table and discuss it...
      TCO – Retired
      Former TCO Head of Intelligence – Retired


      • #4
        *Meanwhile, in the secret underground headquarters of the RLF a meeting of great import is in progress*

        Dr. Flame: "Dammit Mad_Gerbil, I've packed each firebolt with as much explosive power as possible. I'm sure that they just cannot take anymore"

        Mad_Gerbil: "My dear Dr. Flame, I'm authorizing the spending of another 100,000 loot for you and your assistants to improve the technology even further. I don't want excuses, I want more uber firebolts"

        Kore MacLeod: "With all due respect, Mad_Gerbil, perhaps we could us that money on other things. Why if you just learned how to use tag bolts and para....."

        Mad_Gerbil: *screaming* "SILENCE!!! I'll have NO more talk of tagbolts and parabolts! Those take SKILL to use and I need something that doesn't require the ability to aim."

        Dr. Flame: "Even if such a new and improved firebolt were possible, we've already exhausted all financial resources to get this far. How can we afford to go on"

        Mad_Gerbil: Well gentlemen, that is why I am in charge. *hoists a heavy chest full of real silverware and gold up onto the table* We can afford further research thanks to the miracle of Dixie Plastic Ware.

        *scene fades with the echo of laughter*
        "A gerbil is a rodent, wretched creature and quite possibly represents yourself there unclean vile obsolete weak and live happily in there and others filth, they have caused plague and death to humans and nearly wiped us out" - industrialism


        • #5
          And turns to Lord Gerome's Mansion

          Camper at window: «Im certain there was a noise just there.»

          Camper also at window: «Shut up! We have been camping this spot for hours and no one will join the server, i doubt we wil get any taffers tonight, even now that TOB is releasing new maps»

          A scream burts from behind «Ah! Ill get you!»

          Camper 1 «Shit! The boss is on the loose!»

          camper 2 «How? *presses f1 key* no one has joined the server. How can he be mad if no thief entered his room?»

          Camper 1 «Maybe one of the boys accidently entered his room again. This house is wierd. Everytime i go into that ktchen i find the cook dead by the fire. I tell you man! That room is haunted! I would rather camp the bigdaddy Spider cell than stay on that spot.»

          Camper 2 «Yeah, this sure is a freak... *Gerome kills the campers by the window and proceeds killing the rest of the Mansion Guard*

          Antero90 *Roaming in the Hall* «Shit Shit Shit! Everytime I come here I say Kill Gerome, but no one wil listen to me. Ahhh, i should have stayed guarding the exit on flats rather than be here, how the f**** did that as*** got enraged? Damm! Where are those AIS?»

          *Antero meets Gerome in the upper floor, 5 fire arrows later Gerome lies dead on the ground* «So much for the nights payment... Oh well I never actually liked the guy...»

          Last remaining AI who had been posted in the library: «Yes? *Follow me* Aye Aye!»

          Antero90: «Something made Gerome went off. I must investigate this matter if i want to clean my name, im still bitten at the Victoria Affair and I need job badly since i left Legend...»

          AI *Upon seing the bodies on the floor*: «Alert! I we got an assasin!»

          *Antero notices a cup in Gerome's room*

          «That's odd, i dont recall THAT cup being made of silver. Hmmm... *Inspects cup* WTF?! DIXIE?!?! HOW THE F**** THIS THING END UP HERE?! Grrr i sense this is a taffer's job, but who?»

          AI: «Ah! Must have been rats.»

          «Rats? Of course it was rats! IT WAS THAT GERBIL RAT! GRRRRRR! I bet he joined the server while everyone was asleep and exchanged all the objects for plastic replicas. That Gerbil will pay! Grrr! But first I must go to the shop in flats and get a real sword, i hope he hasnt replaced those as well. Then I will fill that Gerbil so full of holes that a a sieve could hold more water»
          Feel the power of the


          • #6
            snafu and I sit at the table. Snafu I know why gerbils doing this.
            Snafu: why?
            Ghostly: I have it froma reliable source that he is spending the
            money with dr. flame to try to increase firebolt damage.
            Snafu: omg! what are we gonna do?
            Ghostly: nothing much. You see dr.flame is already in my employ
            sorta a double agent if you will. He actually did increase the fire
            quite a bit, but it was because i asked him too.
            Snafu: why?
            Ghostly: I had him invent this...holds up a bottle,,.....
            This is a spray on phosphorus compound and when flame hits
            it it ignites. Haven't you ever wondered why the guards catch
            afire even tho they're in armor?
            Snafu: now that you mention it yes.
            Ghostly: its because i've sprayed this on the armor in the barracks
            before they put it on. funny thing tho I've heard rumour the
            guards want to bring gerbil up on charges for war crimes.
            Can you imajine what its like inside that armor when gerbil
            torches them? what a horrible thing roasting alive.
            Snafu: ::::chuckles::::: But you still look worried ghostly....
            what is it?
            Ghostly: well... dr. flame isn't much worry but i've heard
            that MG has bought off the developers of the Blackjack and is
            now in production of a new one.
            Snafu: I don't like the sound of this.
            Ghostly: NO its really bad. They are removing the Lead from
            the center and replacing it with foam rubber.
            Snafu: You don't mean?
            Ghostly: yes, exactly. its been nerfed and I hear that it will be out
            soon. Trouble is it looks just like the real thing.
            Snafu: why that dastardly gerbil
            Ghostly: exactly what i was thinking
            Snafu: well do we have a plan?
            Ghostly: I've been giving it some thought and ...........


            • #7
              *In a dark alley corner*

              Dr. Flame: CD? Are you there? Don't mess with me you taffer!
              CD: I'm here I'm here, but I'm staying in the dark.
              Dr. Flame: Alright, so do you have my payment?
              CD: Of course, I stay loyal to my word.

              *Bag of loot flies out of the shadows*

              CD: Are you sure ALL of the real flame bolts are replaced?
              Dr. Flame: Yes, I replaced them all with tag bolts myself.
              CD: Good, good.

              *Blackjacks Dr. Flame as he turns his back*

              CD: Thanks, bud. (Maniacal Laughing)

              *Watches MG run out of the door, "Flame bolts" ready.*

              CD: "You won't catch me."

              *Runs into the light*


              CD: Well, aren't you going to kill me now, mein freund?
              MG: Oh, just you wait. I've had my friends at the lab cook up some new fire bolts.
              CD: Reeeeeallllly.
              CD: Pretty fine jewllery in that mansion eh?
              MG: You bet.

              *CD jingles his pocket*

              MG: What's that jingling? I have all the loot! You have the plastic stuff... don't... you?...
              CD: Sorry bud, I'm not as dumb as "certain" thieves. A REAL thief knows that a gold chain doesn't weigh 2 ounces... and the gold usually doesn't come off with water.

              *MG checks all his pockets*

              CD: Reeeeeaaaalllly.

              *MG fires his "flame bolts"... and then it hits him...*


              *CD throws the body at MG's feet*

              CD: Too late.
              MG: No matter, I'll tag you to death, you filthy thief!
              CD: You know, a melee weapon would help, as it's gonna tag 20 tag hits to kill me, and I punked quite a few health pots from your lab.

              *MG proceeds to fail at attempting to hit the standing still CD with his tags*

              MG: I'll be back.
              CD: Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllly.

              *CD dissapears, and the sound of drinking is heard*

              CD: Nighty night, mein freund.

              *Mad_Gerbils body goes limp and plummets to the ground*
              The only constant is change.
              (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)


              • #8
                As CD walked into the shadows a loud whistling pierced his ears!

                CD: WTF? I'm visible!

                *CD tries to run into the shadows*

                CD: OMG! I why can't I run?

                *CD crouches and manages to reach the shadows ***BOOOM***!

                CD: WTH? A mine?

                *CD runs like a madman to the exit ***BOOOM***!

                CD: WTF is going on here?

                *CD tries to run through the exit arc. A whistler blows and The_Judge blocks the exit with his body*


                No more CD in this thread. :twisted:
                I Need Training!


                • #9
                  I believe Solaris made a map quite fitting for all of you.


                  • #10
                    Meanwhile, Antero90 is trying not to loose the final AI as he get's to the shop.
                    As he aprouches, he notices that the door is open and a wooden sound of thief footsteps come from within.
                    Quickly he presses the 4 key and rushes to dispatch the thief, forgueting that he's still using MG's fake plastic sword.
                    Hearing the sword the thief closes the door and readies his bj.

                    walls going around

                    screams of pain

                    feet roaming in circles

                    the sudden noise of a potion


                    *Thieves Win*


                    THE END
                    Feel the power of the


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by The_Judge
                      As CD walked into the shadows a loud whistling pierced his ears!

                      CD: WTF? I'm visible!

                      *CD tries to run into the shadows*

                      CD: OMG! I why can't I run?

                      *CD crouches and manages to reach the shadows ***BOOOM***!

                      CD: WTH? A mine?

                      *CD runs like a madman to the exit ***BOOOM***!

                      CD: WTF is going on here?

                      *CD tries to run through the exit arc. A whistler blows and The_Judge blocks the exit with his body*

                      ***SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH***

                      No more CD in this thread. :twisted:
                      Until Judge realizes it was a n00b imposter, and CD wins the map.

                      The only constant is change.
                      (And I wouldn't have it any other way.)


                      • #12
                        ROFLMFAO!!! :lol:
                        I Need Training!