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How Grank Lost His Stick

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  • How Grank Lost His Stick

    I'd originally posted this over at the Thievery Admin Forums where Grank has set up a private forum for discussion of his penis. It wasn't very well received there, but I thought perhaps the rest of the community might have the sophistication and taste to appreciate it.

    This is actually a shameless plagiarization of a myth about Eurmal, a god in the cosmology of the world Glorantha, in which the Runequest role-playing game is set, with Thievery players substituted in as the characters in the myth.

    So, without further ado:


    One day, when Grank was dressing, he found something unexpected in his trousers. It was a stick, and Grank was very pleased with it. It was long and it was hard and it felt just right when he held it in his hand. He was so pleased that he almost didn't leave his house at all that day. In the end, though, the novelty of playing with his stick wore off and he decided to find something useful that he could do with it.

    First, he tried to use it to help the warriors with their weapons practice, but he was soon discouraged after Firetiger bashed it with his mace. Besides, all the warriors had laughed and said it wasn't as impressive as their swords.

    Next, he tried to use it to help Lurox plough the fields, but all this did was bash the end of his stick up even more. Besides, his stick wasn't really big enough to make a decent furrow.

    Finally, he used it to stir the stew pot at the feasting hall, but the stew was too hot and it scalded his stick. Besides, everyone complained that Grank's stick had made the stew taste funny. So TheMachine hit Grank on the head and threw him out into the cold.

    Grank decided that he was fed up with trying to do useful things with his stick. He was bored with playing with it on his own, though. So he went to find someone else to play with it.

    First, he showed it to LikitaRenn. "Would you like to play with my stick?" he asked. But LikitaRenn was not interested at all. In fact, she screamed out loud that the last thing she was interested in was his horrible stick!

    Fridae heard LikitaRenn shouting and came to see what the fuss was. Grank had always liked her, though she didn't like him much at all. He showed his stick to Fridae. "Would you like to play with my stick?" he asked. But Fridae was not interested at all. In fact, she hit him very hard in a sensitive place. Grank sat down and began to cry. "No one is interested in my stick!" he wailed. "I will always have to play with it on my own!"

    Fridae smiled and looked at Grank with what he deluded himself into thinking was pity. "Listen, Grank," she said. "I know someone who would love to play with your stick. But I'm not sure you'd really want her to." Grank leaped up. "Oh, I do," he cried. "I really want to meet your friend. Is it Viktoria? I've always liked her and I'm sure she'd like to ride my stick more than any horse!" But Fridae told him that it was not Viktoria. "Perhaps we had best not," she said. "I'm not sure you'll like the same games she does." Fridae began to walk away.

    Grank was sure, though, and he followed her. "I really, really want to meet your friend," he said. "Is it CatBurglar? I've always liked her, and I'm sure that I can show her some fine new dances with my stick." But Fridae told him that it was not CatBurglar. "Perhaps we had best not," she said. "I'm not sure you'll like the same games she does."

    Grank was still sure, though, and he still followed her. "I really, really, really want to meet your friend," he said. "Is it - " and Grank went quiet then, for he noticed that Fridae had stopped, leaving him to walk on ahead into a dark hole in the earth. Suddenly, he had a very bad feeling.

    Fridae smiled and now even Grank could not delude himself into thinking this was pity. "Yes, it's BrokenArts." And at that very moment, the Forum's Avenger herself leaped out and chopped off Grank's stick with her axe. And she picked it up, and she laughed and she hung it above the door of her home.

    Grank wailed and ran outside. He complained to Fridae that this really wasn't what he'd had in mind. But Fridae told him: "I did try to warn you, and you were so sure. It's not my fault that you tricked yourself into playing a game you didn't like!"

    And Grank bemoaned his fate. "It's no wonder they call me the Fool," he cried. "I even fool myself!"

  • #2
    BA wipes off her blade with her shirt, I always knew I was such a bitch sometimes.

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    • #3
      mmm.... chopsticks...

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      • #4
        I think every mans fear to have his private parts removed by a furios woman with an axe is as old as humanity itself
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        • #5
          Originally posted by Schleicher
          I think every mans fear to have his private parts removed by a furios woman with an axe is as old as humanity itself
          Huh? We're talking about a STICK here....

          Besides, it can't be as old as humanity. It might be as old as the axe, though.

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          • #6
            Grank can always get another stick.

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            • #7
              The axe is probably as old as the beginning of the evolution of the human's brain, which is about as old as LaughingRat's post count is high.
              JM

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              • #8
                Originally posted by BrokenArts
                Grank can always get another stick.
                No, no, there's another story where he gets his stick back. But that's for another day.


                Originally posted by Lurox
                The axe is probably as old as the beginning of the evolution of the human's brain, which is about as old as LaughingRat's post count is high.
                Hmm. It's really disconcerting when Lurox is both witty AND correct....

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                • #9
                  Don't I have a copyright on stories like these?

                  That was pretty funny
                  Garlisk's Fantasy Art Gallery
                  www.usyetzer.com

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by LaughingRat
                    Originally posted by Lurox
                    The axe is probably as old as the beginning of the evolution of the human's brain, which is about as old as LaughingRat's post count is high.
                    Hmm. It's really disconcerting when Lurox is both witty AND correct....

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                    • #11
                      Oh, so "Stick" was to be taken literally? But why nobody wanted to play with it then? Did it have many splinters? Ah, without the gory finale the story becomes boring anyway.

                      But taken the fact that private part removal is possible with stones and clubs THEN *the fear* might be as old as humanity (i take this granted despite i never tried to do so myself)
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                      • #12
                        Bonuses for that Glorantha feel
                        My cats are black! How about yours?

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                        • #13
                          I suppose I should take that as an insult, One-Year-Closer-to-DyingRat.
                          JM

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                          • #14
                            I'd have taken it for a compliment. But I'd take anything I could as a compliment.


                            Umm, back on topic...

                            Thats not the same stick I was using back when I was beating off with a stick...is it?


                            sort of inside joke folks, don't get upset
                            Garlisk's Fantasy Art Gallery
                            www.usyetzer.com

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                            • #15
                              Sheesh, it's just a stick. I have trouble believing that a piece of wood would get "scalded," and you'd know it.

                              But it WOULD make stew taste funny.

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