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Um... *ahem*

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  • Um... *ahem*

    Okay, um...
    I've been working on a novel for about 7 months now and Im starting the second draft... However some things need to be tweaked and so forth, I've included them here.

    The basic gist is as follows:
    Its a scifi-fanstasy novel about this guy who meets this woman who turns out isn't human (physicaly? Mostly...)

    However the 'fun' doesnt stop there. Theres an entire race of people like her, and more importantly a secret orginization formed centuries ago set on destroying them.


    This is a very general outline of my novel, it highlights the major points of the story while leaving out some of the 'minor' points (such as the characters building relationships, fighting amongst one another and so forth) its about 4 pages long and I was hoping if anyone was feeling brave, maybe they could take a look at it and give me some feedback or ideas they think would make it better or something im not doing right... ANYTHING IS APPRICIATED (minus the 'oh yeah you suck' )

    Currently the manuscript weighs in at 650 pages (christ.) but im gonna trim it down to about 350 (I know what I'm doing now, yay!)

    If something isnt clear please don't hesitate to ask, I geared this more toward myself but I'm hopping someone will be able to get something usefull out of it.

    http://www.geocities.com/johnathanst...sicOutline.rtf

    An incomplete character profile that kind of 'highlights' the diffrences between humans and the Kattah race.

    http://www.geocities.com/johnathanstorry/K...ikesProfile.doc

    As I said, any questions please don't hesitate to ask... I realize I can be a bit 'weird' at times :huh: But I'm hopping something good will come of me posting this on an open fourm...
    Johnathan, the archetype Front Line Medic

  • #2
    You'd likely have better luck tossing this into the community forum -- let me know if you'd like it moved.
    Nearly all men can stand adversity -- if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.

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    • #3
      I'll give it a shot when i have some time, college is bogging me down
      ..it's safer here.

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      • #4
        Wild: Yeah if you wouldnt mind, I'd appriciate it

        Baz: Thanks ^^;;
        Johnathan, the archetype Front Line Medic

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        • #5
          How bout some responses fer the man. I hate when I post stuff like this and it just falls by the wayside.
          Garlisk's Fantasy Art Gallery
          www.usyetzer.com

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          • #6
            I like the part where her hands retract and the gattling barrels pop out and start makin' the people dance.

            For the Plywood Alliance! ((tell me, friends...when budget weapons are concerned, how better than the trusty 'board with a nail in it'?))
            Last edited by Moses2k; 22 Sep 2005, 10:19 PM.

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            • #7
              :s
              Johnathan, the archetype Front Line Medic

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              • #8
                Ignore moses, for the msot part. He delights in the annoyance of others.

                I would love to read the work, but, unfortunately, i'm got quite a bit on my plate, and wouldn't be able to make any serious attempt at it. Good luck though!
                "Just off the border of your waking mind there lies another time, where darkness and light are one. As you tread the halls of sanity, you feel so glad to be unable to go beyond. I have a message from another time."

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                • #9
                  Ignore rad, for the most part. He feigns interest, making weak excuses and platitudes.

                  I don't care to read it. You're my friend, but would I divert time from Nabokov & Frank Herbert for esteemed novelest Enright? Hmm.

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                  • #10
                    roflmao. You guys are asses.
                    Garlisk's Fantasy Art Gallery
                    www.usyetzer.com

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                    • #11
                      Grade A donkey beef here.

                      ((sorry to screw up your thread, John...I was just trying to draw attention to it, you know )
                      Last edited by Moses2k; 25 Sep 2005, 07:11 AM.

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                      • #12
                        Dunno if anyone cares, but I got chapter 1 finished today...

                        woohoo, go me ^^
                        Johnathan, the archetype Front Line Medic

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                        • #13
                          And the second wave of critiques comes flooding in! Raaa raaaa!

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Moses2k
                            Grade A donkey beef here.
                            The *mean French look* haunts...everywhere.

                            Look mom, I double A'd Moses -2kmix- heavy

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Moses2k
                              And the second wave of critiques comes flooding in! Raaa raaaa!

                              They do?.....looks around....

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